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Caterwaul

by Ilia Nicoll

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1.
Coming Home 04:26
Someone said you’re coming home You had left the bed unmade A heart or two ago Someone said I’d wait around, but Say though someone might it’s not the Same bed we have found Same bed that we knew And so we sleep another point of view All the futures look the same Lots of cups and telephones So many aeroplanes But the one where I’m with you Looks enough like now that I’d be Glad to see it through Glad to share my hands Until we stumble into better plans Every time you wait for me I am so confused Have you really come to see That you are happier with me Happier with me I have always been afraid That when you love someone You through your life away Yet my quest to be alone Has brought me even closer to the Man that you become Man you’ve always been I think I’m ready to be seen
2.
There was something so familiar in the Way she raised her hood She waded through each syllable in Ways I understood She offered up her fingers for the Handshake or the fist But bit the nails and beauty marks that Lovers always missed It’s funny how the gentle-hearted Get real tough The curtsy for the critics must be Mean enough That no one can dispute what they hear The master is the mute, always Mocking from the mirror ‘Little woman, little woman,’ crooned the Crone inside her head She cut a breast from off her chest, made Arrows sing instead But there was something missing When she soldered on her shell ‘Oh soul!’ she cried, ‘Okay, I lied, but Body – never tell!’ It’s funny how we lose the movement In our hips When focusing amusement on our Layered lips Like orifices only betray The girls we choose to give, not The girls we hide away One, two, three – flash! Caught me with the night trash Faking And gambling with the sense we’re Making So long as no mistaking for the Girls in the magazine We forget what we have shown We forget what we have seen I swear I saw that girl before She’s everywhere I go Maybe if I asked her she’d Admit what all she knows Cuz nobody’s an island and we’re Not alone The arbitrary symbols that we Share have shown That though we can’t compare, we agree There’s no woman quite like you There’s no woman quite like me
3.
Consumption 04:39
We were walking hallways in another world, just you and me, and we Held on to the walls and echoes Shivered through our feet We were lost under umbrellas from a Time when rain came down And I was happy just to hold up a Candle to the cold, we were Lost inside the bloodless veins of a Corporate corpse Still we held on to the lifesavers, the Labels of our clothes I could hear all of the apple cores Inside me cry for murder Cry for more, and if you Are what you eat Then this consumptive love can feed We at last came to a door held by Hold-on-strangers Who were happy to ignore the missing Limbs of our love And the pace maker between us Pushed us through to a room where it Finally died Left us wide eyed We had humbly stumbled On an auditorium, mmm, and we Held on to the stairs that slowly Slinkied us to centre stage The lights between the aisles spied a field Of rows un-hoed We spoke to show that there was Reason for the need, eating Egg and eating seed, we were Lost between the shadows of the corn That grew for harvest long ago When suddenly the walls were falling And an ocean came to meet us When we saw the water coming Anxious feet we Buried in the ground And all the seeds that took the time To root Were all still standing, we were Holding our umbrellas trying to get back To the bloodless veins But it was time we washed away You said ‘Lover, look away’, you said ‘Lover, look away’, you said ‘Lover, look away...’
4.
Well I pull to the shoulder in the Glare of the sun Looking at the animal that Shouldn’t have run Nothing to be done, ooh Strangest arrangement of Gravel and blood Eyes still watching from the Face in the mud Dazed from the thud, ooh Try to imagine other ways to have met Our civilizing nature turning Wild into pet So long as they’re fed, ooh Graveyard and ashtray where we Butt out and bleed Hunter turned to hunted from Mechanical greed More room for me, ooh Time is rolling by and it is still alive Still it tries to walk away Should I stay and end its misery? Well I reach for the shovel in the Back of the truck Mustering the courage for good aim and Good luck Dead, dragging it to the woods Nothing heroic in doing the Thing that I should No, nothing heroic No one should know it occurred There is a sound, there was another one Finished the crossing it waits for the Other to come No, never to follow Never to follow again Only the shovel will remember the day Scoop neck dented from a life took away Little deaths don’t stay But somewhere another saw a Truckload of fear Break a beauty where the Highway veered Until it disappeared, ooh Screaming: ‘Red! All of the red inside Thrown on the bushes where I was trying to hide No mother tomorrow Another red number to know Coated in red for a lesson Never to wander where guessing is All that I ken I won’t trust again I won’t trust again I won’t trust again...’
5.
A Room Alone 04:45
Letters lost in the ocean Losing disguises for watery eyes Losing faces for names When the seasons change City breathing is easy People who pound out their Hearts on the ground People strung out and strange When the seasons change I adored the uncertainty of the Company of you On a chance in the next corner glance You’ll be there at the streetlight too Just so you know, I was aching to go Now I’m aching to move I’m aching to move A room alone Where the people all behind Cannot find me Letters asking, ‘Where have you gone?’ Every night, in umbrella light I think of those eyes, eyes Skies where the echo will drown Unexpected embrace We packed up our bags and we Travelled the space Landed here without knowing We own every day Still adjusting my eyes Needing new places to hide in, to find in Needing new games to play We own every day One more time I will wander through All the times you drove me mad Weighted by the irrelevance Of the elegance we had In case you can’t see, I’ve got Some place to be and it’s Only for me, it’s Only for me A room alone Where the people all behind Cannot find me Letters asking, ‘Where have you gone?’ Every night, in umbrella light I think of those eyes, eyes Skies where the echo will drown
6.
Smoky jewel, she was innocent and cruel Hiding in a glance While her skin above the bones would Dance, late nights Getting tired from the fights Victim victory was the misery that Made her right If he’d stalled, he’d have had the room To fall, but he couldn’t wait Trigger finger fathers don’t last long She wept, through her blood The liquor swept Must forget about him All the promises to sons unkept Dad tells me that I am free To start my own beginning Things will start and fall apart But trying hard is winning Now I find the quiet side Comes out when bars are empty Time has shown I’m not alone The ghost of Lorna drinks with me ‘Ohhh, I gave you my bones You wear them well, though the Tears and stains do tell Your sorry fate – I’ll be waiting at the gates.’ Ruby sets on her knuckled cigarettes When my liver hurts She is smiling cuz she felt it first Disgrace on the puppet of her face Is a mirror of my own until we blow the place I never thought I’d meet you hear It took me years to find you! ‘Oh, little girl, that’s not true You know I used to Sit on your bed and Break your dreams to watch you Ride your nightmare through you Shake your shoulders saying Don’t forget me Don’t forget me Don’t forget me Don’t forget me’ How could I forget the apple of my eye, Whiskey whispers through the night? We tangled up until we tied Dad tells me that I am free To start my own beginning Things will start and fall apart But trying hard is winning Now I find the quiet side Comes out when bars are empty Time has shown I’m not alone The ghost of Lorna drinks with me
7.
Were so high only robins could fly them And the doors were closed to The path from which the walkers crossed Holding their umbrellas to the rain There was no roof to weather So a family of trees grew together And small lonely girls can See the leaves unfurling On the branches reaching to the sky Calling from the gloomy place Echoes of an answer are left on her face Only when she’s on her knees Do her muddy fingers uncover the keys Her first attempts were wary When she pulled back the curtain of ivy Only the hair around her shoulders To hold her Trembling from the wilderness inside And someone said, ‘Ooh Where have you been all this time?’ And she said, ‘Ooh I finally found it again.’
8.
Once upon a morning after Once upon a night You and I will always be together And though it has no meaning I’ll get All dressed up in white And pretend to be a virgin For my mother We’ll move out to the country or we’ll Buy a house in town Just promise we will always be together And we will never say if we would Like to screw around And we’ll eat each other’s hearts In stormy weather I know, I smell the thistle not the rose But the flower always dries up in the end Don’t mind me, I’m just a baby divorcee You can keep anything you want As long as it’s not me Maybe when I’m older I’ll get All dressed up in snow Tell our friends we’ll try to stick together But what’s the use of promising what We could never know I could offer you a Present moment better Don’t think a party or a drink Gets me off as much as What you’ve got to hide You know you got me when I glow Not just anybody gets to looks inside Look at all Look at all the plans you hold: Ribbons and gold! You can see, you can see it through But I’m just seeing you Think of all the things that you enjoy But never own Think of all the changes in the weather If you feel the need to prove The love that you have grown You can chuckle in your coffin When it’s over
9.
Sylvia 04:10
From the tower wall Rang out her clenched-fist caterwaul The great dividing came with caul A charm ‘gainst drowning Came a foundling Bastard other Came the brother Charnel-house revealed its deep decay Of night and day With wires bent and donkey bray To make the chattel children go away Blood blister Where he’d kissed her Poison pollen Where she’d fallen In dark woods where led astray When Mars goes mad It’s better just to wait it out Her father gave her nine months to die Then dragged them out Down the river flowed And down it washed its mortal load She prayed to Mars to let them float But he’d gone warring Battle-scoring Her strength failing Left them sailing Towards a shore where wolves were born Sylvia The boatman calls you home Was the lesson yours to learn alone?
10.
Blue 03:00
She’s blue It’s on her fingers too She brushes sleeves away To knead the brainy clay Soft glue Down to a single hue She will play This is new Hard times have hit her too But not today What she creates will stay Down through The gloom a forest grew Left her lying where the Shadows moved away She wears a faded cotton smock Her father went to work in And from her stem and from her stalk Her honey grows a grin Dreams from the avenue Come rolling in the night into the room Dawn grey and blixen shout An envelope of sleep buoys the air She won’t remember she was there Wakes deep A simple coffee steep Salutes the morn Where the stars were shorn She’s blue It’s on her fingers too And there’s a canvas in the corner With a quart of something Green
11.
Oceans Ago 02:51
What a season of snow Knee deep the summer that I left Two years ago There’s still a sadness in the gloom Leftover murmurs are Escaping from my room How many feelings do I need? How many fingers will be bleeding from Not writing you? When you go I wish to carry you Safely through snow storms When you fall There’s something you can use Bind the bruise: know home For though it’s been a while, you still Know I’m thinking of you and Everywhere you smile, I can see through Oceans ago When will I see you again May over absence and the distance We be friends And the years all be kind It is my wish that all you look for You will find Be what you be, it’s all you need Find your own reasons that define your Kind of harmony When you go I wish to carry you Safely through snow storms When you fall There’s something you can use Bind the bruise: know home For though it’s been a while, you still Know I’m thinking of you and Everywhere you smile, I can see through Oceans ago
12.
Lovely sister, paint your World of wonder Starlit, scarlet rolls of Aching thunder There is a world that’s hidden In your eyes Apple skies Soothing sighs Secrets dawning You’re like an ancient well Cast a spell I can tell That it’s Amy So we’re leaving, we’ll be Breathing far away Paint the pain and love Surrounding you each day And when you’re lonely you just Think of me And I’ll be Endlessly Waiting for you The lines upon your hand Trace a land Understand Know it, be true It’s no chance that we’ve been Bonded at the heart Over distance you’ll be With me every part Don’t be afraid of falling Dare to blush Lift your brush Heave and hush Tender colours Reveal your ageless sun Shock and stun Everyone Lovely sister

credits

released August 12, 2014

Ilia Nicoll - Guitar/Vocals
Jake Nicoll - Drums
Darren Brown - Bass
Noah Bender - Guitar

All songs composed by Ilia Nicoll
Co-produced by Ilia Nicoll and Jake Nicoll
Recorded and mixed by Jake Nicoll
Mastered by Harris Newman
Album art by Pepa Chan
Insert by Noah Bender
Funded by NLAC

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Ilia Nicoll Stratford, Ontario

Ilia has been a longstanding fixture of the East Coast Canadian music scene. Her songwriting is lyrically astute, melodically adventurous and cinematic. In her classic vocal stylings you can find evidence of her childhood obsession with 60s American/British folk and Judy Garland. Since her last European tour just prior to the pandemic, she’s been mothering a child and a collection of new songs. ... more

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